Women bring to the everyday workplace their emotional intelligence, shaped by their early socialization experiences. What does this look like, and how can both men and women recognize this talent and skill? There are four points I would like to make, some that are often taken for granted and ones entirely unrecognized. These observations come from Women’s Studies, feminist leadership literature, and my extensive coaching and mentorship with women for the past 30 years.

About emotional intelligence

“Emotional intelligence (EI) is often referred to as a qualitative approach to understanding and relating to people, requiring leaders to know themselves to better engage with direct reports, peers and superiors alike” (Arredondo, et al, 2022, p. 33). And in effect, we wrote women have exceptional EI acumen. There are four components in the EI paradigm and five elements. For this discussion, I will focus on two components (self-awareness and social awareness) and two elements (social skills and empathy).

Social Awareness: Women are taught to be observant and aware of others’ feelings and well-being. This engenders an other-centered mindset, one that attunes us to others, and at times, means neglecting ourselves. In the workplace, women are often the best managers because of this asset. We more readily notice others’ feelings and often check on these.

Self-Awareness: As women notice others, they also engage in self-awareness, assessing how they engage and come across in work situations. This is a form of critical consciousness that can at times be a facilitator or drawback to self-promotion at work if a woman does not engage in reality checks about how well she is doing.  

Social Skills: These generally refer to interpersonal skills, one’s ability to relate to another, to engage with others, to communicate effectively, and to be friendly. Social skills are also described as social competence and this competence is cultivated in women throughout their lives. This is often an expectation, and women lacking in social skills are often evaluated more harshly than men. 

Empathy: Women are said to possess and apply this EI element regularly. They attend to others’ feelings and show care and understanding more readily when an employee is in a tough situation. Although empathy is an admirable skill, women have also mentioned that others may see it as a weakness or that they are pushovers with poor boundaries. For women, being empathic can be a double-edged sword. First, it is expected, and second, it is not valued if it is visible.

Takeaways

I encourage women and men to notice the need for these four EI competencies in the workplace; these matter across age, position, and cultural background. Yes, the research indicates that women excel at EI which begs the question–if women are so skilled in EI, why are there so few in senior leadership? 

References:

Arredondo, P. Miville, M., Capodilupo, C.M. & Vera, T. (2022). Women and the challenge of STEM professions. Springer.